That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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