My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
