is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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