listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
