Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Randomize
