i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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