Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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