i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
