We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
