Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
