He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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