smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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