For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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