Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Too much gin, very little bucket
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
