suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
