someone owes me an orgasm
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
