She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
