And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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