Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
