I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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