we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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