i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
