She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
