Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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