who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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