Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
