Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
God, I missed his penis.
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