dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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