K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
