Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Houston, we have a squirter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
