he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
