what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
