it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
