Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
