I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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