dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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