Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
