you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
