I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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