I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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