We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
