I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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