I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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