i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
