New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
