Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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