I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
