I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
