i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize