I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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