yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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