1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
