I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I look better un-naked...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
