Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
