life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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