Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
