So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
