I want to have your abortion
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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