are you still at the devil's house?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Michael Bay diarrhea
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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