i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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