The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
