summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
